Hot Off The Press
by dave-d
Summary: Hinata finally has the courage to approach Naruto. But, that takes a back seat to Narutoandthegang's reaction to some free comics that he and Hinata got.


**A/N:**

_Be forewarned, this story is _not_ for people who like_ shōnen-ai, yaoi, shōjo-ai_ or _yuri _stuff. I recommend that folks do _not _read it, if they take offense at people taking offense._

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The sun was shining in a cloudless sky.

Streets throughout Konoha were filled with people going about their duties, a sign of a strong and flourishing village.

A number of shinobi left the large Administration building, after having finished a meeting with the Hokage. Some had practices to attend. Others needed to catch up on their studies. Many had time for lunch, shopping, or relaxation.

One particular ninja, dressed in a somewhat garish black and orange jumpsuit, marched down a tree-lined avenue whistling happily, acting as if he didn't have a care in the world. Struggling to keep up, a young woman with white-eyes and a well-worn coat took a number of steps… stopped…. hurried on a bit… stopped again… and then moved with somewhat greater confidence.

"Ummm… Naruto-kun..." Hinata couldn't expect Naruto to hear that, as she barely heard it herself. _"Naruto-kun!" _That was loud enough to be heard, but also loud enough to cause her to cringe ever so briefly. Looking around, she felt as if everyone must be watching her.

"Ehhh? Someone say something?" Naruto looked around, but didn't catch sight of anyone familiar. People kept crossing in front of him, blocking his view. That almost sounded like Hinata. Shrugging, he turned and headed up the road.

Hinata stood still, blinking. She wondered if this was such a good idea. It would be an understatement, saying that she had stepped outside of her comfort zone. But, she had promised herself to make an effort today, no matter how small. She had called out his name. That was a good start, right? "No." She shook her head. "I have to try. It's been more than two years. I've changed some." She began walking quicker this time. **_"Naruto-kun! _Please, wait up!"**

Naruto slid to a halt. There it was, that voice again. He grimaced as two delivery men bumped into him as they tried to avoid a full on collision. Squinting, hand held up to block out some of the bright mid-day light, he caught sight of the small girl. "Hinata?" He wondered what she might want. He never had much time to speak with her before leaving to train with Jiraiya. There had been precious little time to spend with any of his friends except Kakashi and Sakura, since he returned.

"Ummm… hello, Naruto-kun…" Hinata tried valiantly to keep from rubbing her fingers together. She got two rubs in and then stopped. "I just wanted to know… ummm… would…" She froze. No! This was ridiculous. She had actually practiced her words, in case she was lucky enough to come upon Naruto in just this situation.

Kiba had laughed when she approached him for advice. He asked if she was going to be a 'stalker' again, now that Naruto was back in the village. Shino, on the other hand had been quite helpful. He had supplied the perfect approach. When she finally caught up with Kurenai, her mentor concurred, but spoke as if she Hinata was headed into a dangerous situation.

'What could possibly be dangerous about Ramen?' Hinata had asked. 'It's not just Ramen,' her sensei had answered. 'It's Naruto and Ramen. That could be like getting too close to lions or hyenas when they are feeding on a kill.'

"Wood?" Naruto screwed up his face, pursing his lips and tugging on one ear lobe.

"It's…" Hinata froze again. It was as if her tongue were stuck to the roof of her mouth. "I…" No. Not now! This hadn't happened in front of her mirror, at the breakfast table, or while she walked to the meeting with Tsunade.

"Huh?" Naruto scowled. He always felt as if he was in some kind of big rush these days. Especially around lunch time. Particularly when Sasuke and Sakura ran off together, now that the former had returned to the Leaf. "Are you going to say something, Hinata?"

"Ummm…" Hinata clenched her fists and narrowed her eyes. She only had to get one word out. If she could do that, it would be like getting a foot inside or door, or threading a worm on the hook. "Ramen." She let out a long breath. That ought to buy her a brief reprieve.

"_Ramen?" _Naruto's face changed. He loved Ramen. Ramen ranked up there with Soba, Udon, and Somen in his private pantheon. If he ever happened upon Silenus, the foster father of Bacchus, and safely returned him to the Greek god as King Midas had, he wouldn't be stupid enough to ask that whatever he might touch should be changed into gold. He would have asked that it be changed into Ramen. "Did you say 'ramen', Hinata-chan?"

"Y-Yes…" Hinata squared her shoulders. She had his attention. It was now or never. No more stuttering! "Yes, I did."

"Huh!" Naruto looked at Hinata as if seeing her for the first time. She had grown. In more ways than one. But, that as a subject for future exploration, should he remember it. For now, she had mentioned Ramen. Sakura threatened to strike him whenever he mentioned that word, just the way that she had pounded on him when he offered to show her his new perverted jutsu. "Do _you _like Ramen, Hinata-chan?"

Hinata found herself perched on the horns of a dilemma. She had cooked and eaten many things. But, she had never had Ramen. If she was to admit that to Naruto, he might brush her off and move on his way, before she had a chance to make her offer. She would have to lie. But, it wouldn't be a very big lie, if she didn't speak her answer, right? She nodded her head.

"_Cool! _You really are someone I could like." Naruto grinned. "You still might be shy. Maybe even a bit dark, too. But no one who likes Ramen is a weirdo!"

Hinata felt close to swooning. She had to get a grip. This was just like a mission. It wasn't enough to just show up! "Would you… ummm…"

"_Hmmmm?" _Naruto scratched the back of his head. What was with Hinata? She was showing a bit more animation today. That was good. He wasn't a big fan of the shy retiring type. Hothouse flowers belonged in hothouses. But, there was a kindred spirit buried somewhere under that quiet exterior. She liked Ramen.

"Naruto-kun… would you… ummm…" Hinata put everything she had into it. She had to say it now, before Naruto lost all interest. Her shadow could do a better job than this! "Would you like to… well… get some Ramen with…"

"With pork?" Naruto's eyes lit up.

"Ummm… no… with…" Hinata was interrupted again.

"With chicken?" Naruto rubbed his belly.

"No… with…" Hinata felt a pressure building up inside of her. If only he would let het get her words out, before she ran out of steam.

"_Seafood!" _Naruto licked his lips. "You must mean seafood…"

"No…" Hinata shook her head vigorously. "With…"

"Hah! Ramen with even _more_ Ramen. _Ahhh-h-h-h-h-h_…" Naruto's eyes threatened to glaze over.

"**No!" **Hinata brought her hand to her mouth after raising her voice. "With **_me, _**Naruto-kun. _My_ treat." There. She had done it. Now came the nerve-wracking part, aiting for the answer. If he turned down free Ramen, the rejection would be on a historic level.

Naruto froze at first, as if he had been caught in Shikamaru's _Kagemane no Jutsu _

technique. Then, his knees gave out on him, and he found himself on his knees, hands clutching at some weeds growing out between the cobblestones. Ramen. Hinata had mentioned Ramen. But it was more than that. She was talking about Free Ramen. Nothing in the world tasted better than Free Ramen, except _more _Free Ramen.

Had Akatsuki simply done their homework, they could have had Naruto easily. As big a genius as Itachi had been, he had missed the boat. A giant bowl of Free Ramen in a secluded cave… a mysterious note telling of its existence…and a few members of the Nine… bingo! The boy would have gone alone, not wanting to share his bounty with anyone. Slurping down delicious noodles, he would have been as vulnerable as a newborn baby.

"D-D-… D-D-… D-D-…" Naruto brought himself back to his feet. "Did you say, **_your_** treat?"

"Ummm… yes…" Hinata nodded, her eyes going wide. Naruto certainly had a thing for Ramen. For amoment, she almost lapsed into a daydream. What might it be like, if Naruto felt that way about her?

"**Hey, Naruto!" **Both Naruto and Hinata turned, seeing a chesty pink-haired girl making her way through the rush of pedestrians. It was Sakura. "Want to join Sasuke and I at the training fields. We convinced Kakshi to teach us a new jutsu on our time off." She came to a stop, nodding her head as if Naruto's 'Yes' was a foregone conclusion.

"Huh? Sakura-chan? Did you say something?" Naruto shook his head, as if he was fighting some kind of possession jutsu. _"New_ jutsu?" His eyes lit up. How could he let Sasuke learn something that he himself didn't know?

Hinata felt like someone who had spent years saving money for a special limited edition collectible, only to find out that the item had been discontinued. What could she do? It was no secret, how much Naruto liked learning new techniques… practicing new techniques… and even bragging about new techniques. That was three things. She was only offering him one.

"You bet!" Sakura smiled. She was truly fond of Naruto. He was a good friend and a staunch comrade. He had stopped with his 'Sakura-chan Sakura-chan' nonsense and become much more serious, if relatively unchanged in his impulsiveness. To be truthful, she would prefer training with just Sasuke; but, since Kakashi was going to be there, they might as well work as a group.

"If… ummm… maybe you would like to get Ramen some other day, Naruto-kun…" Hinata hung her head. She had been close. So very close! Hopefully, with this minor success, she would manage to dredge up enough courage to try again.

"Naruto licked his lips. He couldn't help himself, and did it again. "You and Sasuke can teach me what you learn later." Normally, he would never let those two get a head start on him. "Can you wait until after lunch?" The word 'Free' popped into his mind. "A _long _lunch…".

"What? Are you feeling OK?" Sakura frowned, and then walked over to feel Naruto's forehead. She looked over at Hinata, and then raised one eyebrow. "HInata?"

"I… ummm… I offered to buy Naruto some Ramen." She blushed after saying that, as Sakura put on a knowing smile.

"Sometimes I think that Naruto would give up his dream to be Hokage, if someone were to give him his own noodle shop." Sakura sighed. But, she was hardly anyone to be amused by anyone else's obsessions. "Hey. Have fun, you two!"

"Huh?" Naruto kicked at a stone on the street. "Two?" Somehow, that 'you two' made him feel a bit uneasy. "No. _Three."_ He grinned. "Me. Hinata. And Ramen."

"Whatever!" With that, Sakura left.

Hinata found herself smiling. Ramen was powerful stuff. But, better yet, Naruto didn't seem to fawn all over Sakura anymore. Had she found the key to her dreams? Was this kismet? After all, she had been the only one who idolized Naruto, back when he was ridiculed and written off as a failure. He had been the one who helped her find confidence in herself, when everyone else viewed her as ill-suited to be shinobi.

"Oi! Hinata. You're actually smiling." Naruto noted. He smiled himself. "I know just what you're thinking!"

"Y-… Y-… You do?" Hinata swallowed hard. Naruto couldn't know about her crush on him, could he? "I… it's… ummm…"

"**Ramen!" **Naruto cocked his finger and pointed it at Hinata. "Hah! Great minds think alike…" Like a sudden change in the weather, his face clouded over. "What are we waiting for?" Naruto began marching briskly down the street. "Come on Hinata, before the crowd gets too big!"

The two ninjas made their way towards the restaurant district, passing through a series of avenues lined with shops. A slender garishly dressed man with a noticeable tic ran out to speak with them in front of his store. "Hey! Kids! Hold on a second!"

"Damn. He's probably going to ask us to do a favor or something." Naruto stuck out his lower lip. "These guys need to know there are no freebies! He's going to have to bring his request to the Mission Team."

"You kids into comics?" The man looked totally disreputable, the kind of person a parent would never leave alone with his or her children, and a woman would never dream of bringing home to meet her family. Any man would check his pants pocket to make certain his wallet was still in place. Hinata noticed that. Naruto didn't, not when the word 'comics' entered the conversation.

"Comics?" Naruto smiled. _"Comics!_ You bet!" He even forgot about Ramen for the briefest of moments. "Hey! Hinata! How about you?"

Hinata put her finger up to her mouth. She looked away from the man. She had already perjured herself once today. There was no turning back now. "S-… S-… Sure…"

"Great! Wonderful. Magnificent." The man's face took on an eerie sheen when he smiled. "We're having a special promotion. There's a new line of comics coming out. It's different versions of some of the all time favorites!"

"_Wow!" _Naruto looked starry eyed. He loved manga, comics, and anime. He was always on the look-out for something new.

"Would you like some free copies?" The man twisted his seedy mustache between his fingers. He grinned, seeing Naruto's response to the word 'free.'

"**You bet!" **Naruto clapped his hands together loudly, causing Hinata to jump.

"Here you go, then…" The man handed Naruto a flimsy publication contained within a stained paper bag. "And one for the pretty little lady, too." His eyes got very intense. "I hope you'll share these with your friends."

"Yeh! I got plenty of friends, _right_ Hinata?" Naruto rubbed his hands together. "Give me a few more different ones, and I'll spread them around!' He couldn't belive how great a day this was. First, free Ramen. Now free comics. _Heaven!_

"Fine… fine…" The man looked as if he was ready to sing or something. "Let me go get you some more!" He ran into his shop, and then ran back out again, his arms filled with paper-wrapped comics. "Here you go! Oh, can I ask your names?"

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto thumped himself in the chest. "Future Hokage." When Hinata didn't say anything, he spoke for her. "This is Hyuuga Hinata."

"_Hyuuga?" _The shop owner's eyes went wide. "I'm honored. A future Hokage and a member of the Hyuuga clan. My my my…"

"Uh... sure... take one of each. Remember, talk us up big!" The man smiled and went back into his shop.

"It's our lucky day, Hinata-chan. Time to eat!" Naruto started back down the street.

Hinata blushed. She stood watching for a moment. Naruto had said her name again. She whispered to herself: 'For he on honey-dew hath fed, and drunk the milk of Paradise.'

The white-eyed girl quoted a line about Xanadu, from a famous foreign poem. She had no idea that there actually had been a place called Shang Tu, the Upper Capital of Kubla Khan, founder of the great Yuan dynasty. There, the Mongol lord had built a great garden of delights with a hedonistic pleasure dome at the centre. It was here that soldiers were drugged and convinced that they were waking up in paradise. This was a clever ruse used to ensure that they would happily fight in the emperor's battles, under the mistaken belief that eventually they would return to the decadent 'pleasure dome' forever.

Nevertheless, she thought similar thoughts, only her fantasy had Naruto staying happily by her side, thanks to an entirely different pleasure dome. After all, a bowl turned upside down was a dome, is it not? "For he on Ramen hath fed, and drunk the broth of Paradise." Hinata blushed, thinking that way. She ran to catch up.

Never stopping, Naruto led Hinata to his favorite Ramen parlor. As he walked in the shop, he acted as if he was family returning home. "Hey! Old man! Gotta free table?" By the way he asked, it sounded as if he expected the answer to be in the affirmative, even if the man had to dismantle part of his home to build another table.

"Of course! Anything for my best customer!" The old man saluted with a ladle, and then called for his daughter. That exact scene transpired numerous times every month. It was tradition.

"Oh… I see… you've brought someone with you this time…" The daughter smiled, wiping her hands on her apron. She introduced herself to Hinata as Ayame. "Is she your girlfriend?" That had Hinata feeling wobbly. She almost keeled over there and then.

"Huh?" Naruto froze. His mind could not comprehend the question at that given instant. "She's paying!" That answer ought to say it all.

"_Mmmmm_…" Ayame bent over and whispered into Hinata's ear. "For some men, the way to their heart _is_ through their stomach. He's got a bottomless stomach. Maybe he's got a big heart too." Walking away, the girl sighed and mouthed the name 'Kakashi.'

Waiting for their meal, Naruto kept Hinata entertained by telling her about the mission against Akatsuki. Neji had only given her the cursory details. Hinata heard every other word, at best. Her important one was talking to her.

When the first round of noodles came out, Naruto grabbed both bowls and asked the old man to bring something for Hinata too. When Ayame threw a wet dishrag at his head, he grumped and slid the smaller bunch of noodles to his lunch mate.

"We're eating now!" Naruto took up his chopsticks, his eyes burning with flame, much like Rock Lee's did whenever he was excited about a good move. "Dig in Hinata! They won't bring us more until we finish these."

Half of Naruto's ramen was gone before Hinata got enough noodles on her chopsticks to take a bite. At her first mouthful, her eyes watered and she felt ready to gag. She was _not_ a big fan of noodles after all.

"Great stuff, huh? You're pretty cool after all, Hinata!" Naruto slammed his bowl down hard. That would get him another. It also put a dent in the table top, next to five others from the week before.

"Errr... ummm... urk..." Hinata fought the urge to put her hand over her mouth. "Great. Yes. Very great." Seeing Naruto's eyes light up again, she began eating noodles quicker and quicker, too fast for her tastebuds to catch up.

"**Go, Hinata!" **Naruto clapped his hands together. _"You rock!" _He gave her a 'V' sign. "But, watch. This is faster, when no one's watching." Naruto began shoving noodles with his bare hand. "Yeh! Express noodles! Shot gun!"

Shaking, and covered with sweat, Hinata tried to follow suit as best she could. This looked like it would be the end of her. Still, she had done her best. It was her Ninja Way

Salvation came in the form of her friends. "Hinata! Naruto!" It was Kiba and Akamaru. Shino followed just behind them. "Didn't know you two were an item." Akamaru yapped. Shino pushed his glasses further up his nose.

Naruto's arm jerked. The unthinkable happened. His new bowl of noodles fell to the floor and broke. He had to fight the urge to go ballistic on his friend.

"Ummm... we..." Hinata put her hand on her stomach. The ramen was disagreeing with her big time. She looked green. Kiba noticed and laughed.

"Sorry, Hinata. I shouldn't say that when you're eating!" Kiba smiled.

Naruto started off getting angry, but was soon pouting. That stopped when Hinata slid another coin in front of him. Naruto looked at her as if she were a goddess descended to the earth.

Having caught sight of their friends through the huge storefront window, Neji and Ten Ten walked in. They made sure that they didn't walk in together, but still sat next to each other at the table. "So!" Ten Ten smiled. "Is everyone doing the lunch thing together, today?"

"Well, we just got here. Hinata and Naruto were here first." Kiba shrugged.

"Alone. Together," Shino added.

"_Really?" _Ten Ten said, her eyes going wide, she smiled looking over at her shy friend. Suddenly she frowned, realizing just who Hinata was sitting with. "It must be something serious. I saw Saskura and Sasuke heading off to practice, without Naruto tagging along." That had one of Shino's eyebrows rising. "Are they... you know..." Ten Ten looked to Kiba as the source of information.

"You mean like you and Neji?" Kiba laughed when Neji's face went blank and Ten Ten snuck a quick look at her team mate.

Ten Ten opened her mouth to deny that inference, but was interrupted by more arrivals.

This time, it was Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino. They all took a place at the large table.

"Looks like the gang is here," Shikamaru said. "How bothersome." He looked around. "Where's Lee?"

"Lap two hundred or so," Neji replied, sliding ever so slightly away from Ten Ten.

"Hey, Shikamaru. This place probably has some food left." Obviously, Choji was not content to simply socialize. "Let's get _another_ lunch!" He emptied the large water basin near the door, used for washing hands. He would use that for noodles.

"Choji, let me order first." Ino scowled and shook her fist at her rotund teammate. "I haven't eaten _anything_ today." She looked over at the rest of the ninjas. "Any big news?"

"Hmmm... not really…" Kiba waved his hand, a wicked look in his eye. "Just Naruto _and_ Hinata..." He smiled, seeing Naruto begin coughing, an incredulous look on his face.

"Oh… not too mention Ten Ten _and_ Neji..." Kiba held out his hand and Akamaru slapped it with his paw.

"Oh? Really?" Ino looked ready to pounce. Ten Ten looked ready to shout. Neji looked ready to leave. Hinata looked ready to faint. Naruto looked for another bowl of noodles.

"Maybe even Ino _and _Shikamaru..." Kiba chuckled. Akamaru howled.

"No. Temari and Shikamaru," Choji put in. He took a few steps backwards, seeing the look on Ino's face. Shino whistled long and low, surprising everyone.

"_Hmmmpppfff!" _Ino tried to maintain her composure. "I see that we're all joking here. Ooops." She knocked Kiba's water into his lap. "How clumsy of me." She did the same to Choji. "I'm sorry…" Shikamaru's water ended up in his lap, along with an entire pitcher of ice cubes.

"Can I take all of your orders?" The shop owner came by himself this time, seeing that he was dealing with such a large party. He was joined by Ayame. "Do you wish to see the house specials."

"No," Choji said. "I'll just take two of each." He held up two fingers. "Only two. I need to save room for dessert." Everyone else gave their orders.

Hinata sighed in relief. She would still pass coins in front of Naruto, and he could eat Ramen to his heart's content. Now, she could order something that agreed with her. Before she could raise her hand, Naruto spoke up.

"Hey! Old guy!" Naruto put a couple of fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly, causing Ino to knock her own water over this time. "Hinata's bowl is empty. More noodles. This time shrimp!" He scratched one arm. "Make that pork, too!" Smiling, he continued: "Also bring one of those Hokage-sized bowls, one with that special seasoning only Ramen lovers can handle! You know, _'Old Aso'_." Aso was the name of the region's most active volcano.

Not long after the food arrived… and Hinata had left to visit the rest room for the fifth time…Akamaru disappeared under the table and began playing with something, growling happily.

"Is Hinata OK?" Ten Ten asked Neji.

"Shhhh… don't embarrass her…" Naruto shook his finger at the girl. "She probably goes back there to make more room for Ramen…" He put a finger in his mouth. Shikamaru put a hand on his forehead and closed his eyes.

"Akamaru, what are you up to?" Kiba looked under the table. "Naruto, those things down there _yours?"_

Naruto looked under the table, the long strings of noodles hanging out of his mouth making it look like he had swallowed a Portugese ManO'War. "Akamaru!Bad dog! Those are free comics." Looking over at Kiba, Naruto made a reluctant admission: "The man gave me plenty for everybody."

While Kiba restrained Akamaru, Naruto rescued the comics and gave Akamaru a bone off of Neji's plate.

"Let's see!" Shikamaru actually showed some interest. He enjoyed the brainier comics, especially mysteries. Choji and Kiba expressed interest as well.

"Here. Save one for Hinata. She says she'sreally into this kind of stuff." Naruto tossed the wrapped comics across the table, nearly hitting a ducking Ino. He smiled when she stuck out her tongue at him. "Here's one for you too, Ino. I bet Temari likes comics."

Everyone began unwrapping comics, Naruto included. Seeing the way that Naruto looked at her when she returned, Hinata reluctantly joined in. She dropped the publication after opening it to the first page. For a few moments, there was no sound at all. Neji, Ten Ten, and Ino had bent over to read as well. Everybody turned to stare at Hinata. She slid under the table, all of her muscles suddenly limp.

"Hinata likes _this?" _Shikamaru looked shocked. He scowled, seeing the mucus begin dripping out of Choji's nose. Kiba just whistled, long and low, much as Shino had done earlier.

"**F-ck a duck!" **Naruto's angry obscenity stunned the entire room. He had read a few pages into his comic. Hands like claws, he almost crumbed the publication when he clenched his fists.

"You have that too?" Choji held up one of his comics. The title was 'F-ck a Duck.' He trembled for a moment. This is terrible…"

"T-Tell me about it…" Ino barely managed to get those words out.

"Yes! No food ads!" Choji tossed that comic aside.

At the sound of Naruto's voice, Hinata had jerked upwards hard, smacking her head against the bottom of the table. She had spent many days watching him in the past, and couldn't remember him ever using language like that.

"**THIS IS JUST WRONG!"** Naruto was livid. He stood up, Ramen forgotten. "Those bastard authors. Those dickhead artists. How could they do this?" He slammed a hand hard against the table top. That caused the table to retract ever so slightly, striking Hinata on her head again. "Look at this… The Scarlet Ninja… in a damn dress!" Everyone in the restaurant went silent. They turned to look at Naruto. "Huh? What are you all starring at?" He practically growled. "Do any of you think the Scarlet Ninja should be drawn wearing a dress?" All of the numerous customers quickly mumbled 'no' or something equivalent.

Hinata slowly peeked out from under one edge of the table.

"And Hinata is into this, you say?" Ten Ten shook her head, a smile on her face. " It's always the quiet ones." She was only joking. Hinata banged her head again.

"You okay Hinata?" Naruto's concern had Hinata smiling timidly for a moment. "Your next bowls of noodles are here." He thought a moment, and then grinned. "You're smart. No one can steal any down there." He handed one bowl down to her. The following noises had him confused, but he was too angry to pay attention.

"Ummm... I.. sorry about your shoe, Ino." Hinata's voice was barely audible.

"What's Hinata into?" Sakura walked into the shop, causing the bell above the door to ring. "It's good to hear that she has a hobby." She had been walking past in a foul mood. Sasuke had left practice after she teased him, asking for a little kiss.

Kiba held up a magazine. Sakura gasped. Hinata whispered "Naruto-kun… please stand up for me..."

"Nah! No way! Hinata's not into _that_." Naruto's strong and forceful voice had Hinata's heart beating faster. "She's into Ramen, like me!" Hinata put her hand over her mouth.

After Sakura sat down, the shinobi passed around the comics, fascinated and sickened at the same time. "I don't get it. What kind of cretin writes this kind of stuff?" Kiba looked like he was ready to bite and chew the top cushion of his seat. Akamaru was already busy doing just that.

"People that wish to make money, I suppose." Shikamaru rubbed his chin. "No doubt there are people who actually enjoy reading this kind of stuff." He rubbed his temples. "We may find it disgusting and sad; but, as ninjas, we should understand the nature of diversity."

Hinata crawled out from under the table and stood next to Naruto.

"Crap!" Naruto looked at his Ramen. His appetite was spoiled at the moment. Accordingly, he slid the bowl in front of Hinata. She got up to use the Ladies Room again. "This is too damn diverse for _my_ liking. Right, Hinata!" He wondered where she had gotten to. "I mean, come on. This stuff is just wrong. It's worse than wrong. This stuff would make Orochimaru gag!"

"Hey! Maybe he's one of the authors or something." Kiba laughed, and flipped through one comic, looking for the credits page. "It would be a great way to bring down the Leaf, getting people to start liking this kind of trash."

"Maybe Jiraiya wrote some," Sakura said, looking at Naruto with a frown.

"No way! Not _this _kind of stuff." Naruto glared at his teammate. "Look! _'Hell Shinobi.' _They changed it all around. The hero had a crush on the pyromaniac girl, not that wimpy guy from the ANBU squad." He picked up another comic. "And this one. _'Ninja Babe.' _She used to really kick ass. But now, those freaks have her chasing after some noodle girl!"

The sound of broken glass came from the cooking area. Ayame could be heard apologizing to her father.

Shikamaru and Ino were sitting stunned. They couldn't believe what they were seeing. Ino felt a need to wash her hands, just after touching some of that filth. The idea that people would actually read that kind of thing was nearly incomprehensible.

Choji pushed full plates of food away from him. "I… I just… I just can't eat any more…" Tears began streaming down his face. "I lost... I lost my appetite..." He had clearly read too much.

More sounds of breaking things could be heard. This time, the shop owned could be heard sobbing.

No one could speak. Not one of them could even move. Choji? Not able to eat something?

_Was the world coming to an end?_

"This is unnatural," Shino said. His connection was nature was strong, given his family's talents and tradition. "It would be like the male _Gongylus Gongylodes_ eating the female after mating, not the other way around." He concentrated, making a few stray bugs return as quickly as possible. They shouldn't see this kind of thing.

Kiba covered Akamaru's eyes. "If those guys want to write this kind of dreck, why don't they make up their own characters?

"Yeh! Why ruin something that a lot of people like?" Naruto closed his eyes and seethed for a moment. He still dreamed about being Hokage. He still wanted to protect the Hidden Leaf Village and its people. This kind of thing was an attack against decency.

Akamaru knocked one comic off of the table top. He jumped down to the floor, tongue lolling. Barking, he lifted his hind leg. A stream of urine soaked the paper.

"**Good dog!" **Kiba, Naruto, and Shikamaru all spoke at once.

"Don't you even think about doing that!" Sakura said to Naruto. "Keep your hand off of your zipper!" She held up one finger, much the way Tsuande did on occasion.

Hinata heard the 'Keep your hand off of your zipper' just as she was about to sit down. She swallowed hard, face turning beet red.

"I wouldn't do that inside the noodle shop!" Naruto said. His face said 'but I might once I leave.'

"I really don't see what's so bad." Ten Ten shrugged "I don't like this kind of stuff. I don't think that I could look my mother in the face if I did. I also couldn't look my father in the face if he wrote something like this. But, it doesn't matter to me what other people read or write. Isn't that _their_ business?" She clearly looked puzzled. Without a word, Neji got up and moved to the other side of the table.

"Yeh right…Ton Ton." Naruto drawled the last two words. "Orochimaru likes changing bodies. Itachi liked killing off his clan. Different strokes for different folks, eh?" He sneered. He wasn't just the village's most surprising ninja; he was also the most opinionated.

"Naruto! I want you to apologize." Sakura's words sounded serious, but she was fighting a smile.

"No way. I…" Naruto was interrupted.

"Next time you see Tsunade's pet pig, you better say you're sorry!" Her smile faded. "I wonder what the Hokage would say, seeing this stuff?"

"I don't think anyone here really needs to listen to what a Freaky Big-Forehead girl has to say." Ino tossed her hair, glancing over at Sakura. "Ten Ten has every right to her opinion. She doesn't deserve getting compared to some animal because of it!"

That had Akamaru barking. _"Hey!" _Kiba narrowed his eyes.

"Freaky Forehead Girl? Now _that _sounds like a good name for one of those comics." Ten Ten harrumphed. "Of course, who could ever believe that something like that exists?"

Naruto clenched his teeth. Anyone who disagreed with him on this subject deserved whatever they got. Someone who made fun of his teammate was asking for trouble. "Hey Neji! Do you agree with Ten Ten?" He smirked. "I know that you're no longer a Bird in a Cage. But, I think this kind of stuff belongs spread out in the bottom of a bird cage! Don't you?"

"I am a big fan of history tradition," Neji said. "As long as such things do not impose unfair restrictions…" He tapped his forehead protector in the area over the seal resulting from the _Hyuuga Bunke Juinjutsu._ "…Or unfairly deny one his destiny."

"Would you like to have your girlfriend or wife into kinky, disgusting, morally twisted things?" Sakura put on an innocent face. Out of the corner of her eye, she kept watch on Ten Ten.

"No." Neji's had the sound of finality, like a gavel striking a judge's bench.

"But... I don't like stuff like that..." Ten Ten sounded worried. "I was just saying… you know…"

"Girls are trouble," Shikamaru said with a lugubrious sigh.

"That's right! All girls but Hinata!" Naruto slapped his hand on the table. "Hinata's alright!" Hinata's came close to fainting. A shy smile crept onto her face. "Then again, I never thought of Hinata as a girl." Hinata felt as if she would shatter into a million pieces. "Until today!" Naruto slurped down an entire bowl of noodles in the wink of an eye. "_Ah-h-h._ That really hit the spot!" He looked down at the table top, hoping for another coin. Hinata gladly gave him one, blushing all the way to the tips of her ears.

When everybody was almost through eating, Ayame walked over to see how everything was. Noticing the comics stacked at one end of the table, her face went wooden. "I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you all to leave. We don't allow _that_ kind of thing in here. This is a classy restaurant. "The look she turned on Naruto made him cringe. She was almost like family.

Naruto quickly spoke up, explaining the situation. Ayame looked as if she was willing to believe him. She asked him to cover up the comics, so that none of the other diners might notice and take offense. The shop had its reputation to think about. There were plenty of other restaurants that customers could flock to, especially those men and women who brought their children with them.

Eventually, everyone had eaten their fill. Hinata quietly asked Ayame for some antacid, which she was only too happy to provide. As they were all leaving, Ino tried to conceal one of the comics. That drew a lot of catcalls when she was caught.

"Hey. It's for a good purpose. You know how Choji eats just about everything in sight, never putting enough effort into his training? I figured this would help him diet. It will also help poor Asuma-sensei. Next time the meal's on him, he won't have to go bankrupt." She thought a moment more. "Maybe something like this could help sensei stop smoking."

"Don't worry Ino!" Sakura chuckled. "You're amongst friends!" She winked over at Naruto. "Nobody here will tell anybody else about your secret." She took off running with a shouting Ino in hot pursuit. Ten Ten hurried to keep up, leaving Hinata the only remaining girl.

Walking outside, Naruto just couldn't let the subject go. _"Shit! _It's just wrong in so many ways!" He looked at Hinata. _"Right?"_

"Ummm… right, Naruto-kun…" Hinata blushed, just thinking about the comics.

"Neji, can you imagine a story where someone had you in love with Lee? Or one where Ten Ten fell in love with Ino?" Naruto shook his head. He wondered just what some people were thinking. Just what led them to idolize that kind of abuse of canon? Maybe they didn't like the original stories at all. But then, why bother writing about it? He rubbed at the sides of his head, feeling a headache coming on.

"I can," Neji said. "I can imagine a lot of things, after all that we have seen." He frowned. "Man's inhumanity to man…" He nodded over to Akamaru. "…And animals… never ceases to amaze me." The dog barked in acknowledgement.

"That's right," Choji said. "There were those men who kept flashing women, wearing nothing under their raincoats. Our team had to stop them on a D-class mission once. And, there were those women in leather, who kept men chained up in heir basement, treating them like dogs. That was a C-class mission. Shikamaru went undercover. He dressed in this harness and…"

"Choji…" Shikamaru sighed and held his arms away from his body. "No one wants to hear about prior missions…"

"Hah!" Maybe someone should make a manga or comic about _that!" _Naruto slapped hands with Kiba.

"Yeh! _'Shadow Boy versus the Leather Lady League'. _Something like that," Kiba said. "Instant classic!"

"Ino would probably buy the entire run," Choji said.

"Anyway…" Shikamaru said. "It's not as if the characters in manga or comics are actually alive," Shikamaru said. "I don't like the changes; but, no one is really getting hurt, right?" He sighed. The whole topic had grown too troublesome. "Just don't buy the stuff."

"It's not just that," Kiba put in. "It makes you wonder about some people. It really does. But, that's not the problem. What sucks, is walking into a comics store, and then having to sort through all the sick stuff, just trying to find the good ones to read. "What's worse, some comics don't even put warnings on the cover." He shook his head angrily. "But, I might have an idea of how to stop it." He looked at Naruto. "Did you throw those things away?"

"No." Naruto narrowed his eyes. "I was going to take them back to the shop and shove them up that guy's…"

"_Naruto-kun!" _Hinata said.

"Here… let me see…" Kiba began sorting through the stack of objectionable comics. "This is the one. Did any of you read through it?" He held up one comic. "This character is drawn to look just like the Third." That had Naruto clenching his fists. Nobody else looked too happy either. "He's made out to be a pedophile, with a boyfriend who's a necrophiliac. That, and they're both cross-dressers!"

"I see..." Shikamaru nodded, catching on. "The Hokage gets a copy of that... and an idea of what shop it came from... and there's one less purveyor of the putrid stuff. Clever. Very clever."

"So, who is going to risk his life, handing that comic to the Hokage?" Shino asked.

"_Hinata!" _Kiba said, laughing. "The Fifth wouldn't strike her." He was only half joking.

"**Wrong!" **Naruto stepped in front of Hinata. That had her blushing. The feeling was returning to her body, after hearing what her teammate had suggested. "_I'll_ take care of it. That's my Ninja Way."

"That's brave, Naruto." Neji nodded his head. "That's what we should expect out of one with such good eyes."

"Thanks. But, you don't get it!" Naruto chuckled. "I'm going to mail it to her. With Sasuke's name on the envelope!" Naruto was glad that Sakura wasn't there at the moment. She would go running to Sasuke or Tsunade, maybe both. "He didn't get punished enough after abandoning the Leaf the way he did."

"Hah! _That's_ what we expect from Naruto." Kiba grinned a huge grin. Akamaru jumped and did a somersault.

"I _will_ bring one in to show her, however." Naruto held up one comic. "This edition has a character that looks a lot like Jiraiya, my teacher. The writers and artists have that character dressing up in drag and spying on the men's hot springs."

As the group of shinobi walked back towards their part of town, they passed by the comic shop that Naruto and Hinata had been accosted in front of. Hinata slumped to the ground. Naruto began cursing nonstop. There was a brand new sign draped outside the shop: 'Try the Newest Kind of Comic. Happily endorsed by Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Hinata.'

"Whoa! That's bad!" Kiba began laughing.

"That's worse!" Shikamaru sighed, pointing to a large flat screen TV monitor hanging over the door of the shop. Something was playing in an endless loop. It was a recording of Naruto and Hinata speaking with the shop owner. The answers were not entirely within context, and some of it had been doctored:

"**_You guys into this new kind of _freaky_ comics?"_**The shop owner had never asked them that exact question.

"**_You bet!"_** In the tape, Naruto's face lit up

"_**Are you into this hot girl on girl action, little lady?"** That was another insert._

"**_S-… S-… Sure." _**Hinata put her finger up to her mouth.

"**_Wow!"_** Naruto looked starry eyed.

"**_There you have it. A future Hokage and a member of the Hyuuga clan. If they're into the freshest trend, why not you?" _**The man smiled, and the tape went back to the beginning.

Kiba began guffawing. Akamaru was rolling oin the ground. Shino came close to smiling.

"Y-You… y-you guys… you guys are screwed! Big time!" Kiba snorted.

"We'll see about that. It's one thing, trying to use me that way." He cracked his knuckles. "But I won't let that bastard treat a girl that way!" he began walking towards the store.

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata didn't know whether to be mortified, or feel all warm and fuzzy because Naruto was standing up for her honor.

Standing by the door of the shop, Naruto concentrated and performed Rasengan, "First things first!" The spiral ball of force obliterated the TV monitor and pulled a fair amount of wooden shingles off of the front of the building.

Hinata stood blinking, while the wind from the attack caused her hair to blow as if in a stiff breeze.

"_Next!" _Naruto performed his tried and true hand seals. A large number of clones appeared. "Let's go talk to a man about comics." The clones all ran into the shop. A moment later, the store owned came crashing through the gaudily painted store window.

"I'll... I'll have you... I'll have you arrested!" The distraught man shouted at Naruto. He looked over at Hinata and the others. "All of you!"

"Hey! No problem!" Naruto stuck out his chin. Let's go see the Hokage together.I have a few comics she would _love_ to look at." Naruto growled. "Since you like that kind of stuff, maybe you'd enjoy 'One Thousand Years Of Pain.'

The man wet himself and took off running. Kiba whistled. Choji passed out the last of his snacks.

Hinata stood there smiling. It had been a memorable day.


End file.
